The Cycle of Abuse
Abuse often escalates in frequency and intensity. It also follows a cyclic pattern, which can be confusing for a victim and which eventually erodes self esteem and sense of personal power. The cycle begins with excuses, ends with abusive episodes, and is repetitive.
Excuses: after an abusive episode, the abuser and victim both “explain away” the problem.
Honeymoon Period: things seem to be going very well. When things are “great” they are really “great” – gifts, apologies, positive feelings, etc.
Routine: a return to routine life around the home and at work.
Tension: tension begins to build and the abuser begins to show signs of irritability, anger, impatience, frustration, etc. The victim recognizes these signs and begins to feel a familiar need to “walk on eggshells”
Trigger: something sets off the abuser, often not easily identified or based in reality.
The victim’s self-esteem and confidence drops, and the pattern repeats itself.
Breaking the Cycle
Few people identify themselves as abusers or victims.
Many are silenced by shame, fear of retaliation from the abuser, or ignorance about domestic abuse.
Abuse does not always show up as broken bones, cuts, scrapes.
Abusers may minimize their behavior or blame the victim for provoking them.
When things are “going well” it may be easier to deny the abuse.
Breaking the cycle of abuse is very difficult. The dynamics involved in an abusive relationship are complicated, and stopping this cycle is not easy, simple or quick. Abusive relationships are based on an imbalance of power, and frequently victims find themselves financially dependent, afraid, suffering from low self-esteem, and isolated from family, friends and outside resources. A victim of domestic violence may not understand that they are being abused. They may be hearing from their abuser that they are crazy, that the retaliation against them and their children may become violent, that the exposure outside of their family if a victim speaks out will cause further humiliation and embarrassment. It takes a great deal of self esteem and support for a victim of domestic violence to take steps to break the cycle of abuse. We at The Women’s Center are part of a community of responders whose goal is to empower those who are suffering from domestic violence and abuse to make appropriate and necessary changes which will improve their general well being and that of their family.
